On Being Humbled

It was meant to be a simple enough exercise, but when my moment finally came, I performed poorly.The recent decision of the government to pull its foreign aid out of eight African nations, some of them in desperate shape, was shaping my mood all day. I had heard from a number of our international aid partners who worried as to what it all meant but were hesitant to speak out lest they lose some of the aid monies they receive at present. There was confusion and surprise. It was an odd announcement by the government, with little lead time afforded the media, the partners or even the International Cooperation critic, which happened to be me.And so when I was asked to pose a question for the CIDA minister for Question Period today, it made sense. Yet I confess to a clear discomfort of the tone often reflected in Question Period. Over a period of time it has become a robustly partisan exercise instead of the reflective and respectful give-and-take I had hoped for upon first entering Parliament. But it was my job as opposition critic and I was prepared.Ironically, one of the Bloc members asked the same question as mine of the CIDA minister, almost word for word. Not wanting to put the minister through a similar query, I opted to change my slant a bit and speak of the non-governmental organizations I had spoken with who are presently in a state of confusion over the funding announcement. The trouble was, I felt a sense of emotion at what the result of that decision would be for those who are destitute around the world and who had been previous recipients of Canada's aid.And so, confronted with an unprepared question and an emotional sense of urgency, I rose to speak - and failed badly. Stumbling for words, I was at sea, aware that a sombre silence filled the House as the members sensed I was wrestling. I wasn't embarrassed, just disappointed that I had failed the Liberal team.And the Conservatives? Often they can be withering in their response to fumbled lines, but in this case - my case - they listened respectfully, a couple even applauded as I concluded what could only be termed as an amateur effort. Liberals applauded, trying to support one of their own obviously down on his luck. Yet the minister listened and answered respectfully - not the answer I wanted to hear, but respectful nevertheless. I even received five notes from Conservative members endeavoring to show support.I have moaned often in these pages of how the partisan nature of the House troubles me. But here, in one of my less sterling moments, members of Parliament came through. I sat down, saddened by my own performance yet moved by a kind of humanity that rarely reveals itself in that place. Looking across the aisle, I caught their smiles and assuring nods as I dealt with my own personal fallout.It's a difficult thing to fall short in front of a national audience; more than that, it's humbling. Ironically, I was even more humbled by the kindness afforded me today by friend and foe alike. I will recall those moments for some time, but the first humbling will fall away while the second will stay with me as a reminder of what the House can be when we just accept our weakness and humanity. My thanks to my friends of all parties who, in my moment of humility, humbled me further with their understanding.